I have been hiding – all of my life.

I have been hiding, and no one was looking.

That was both devastating and a relief.

I heard a story once that God
is playing hide and seek,
but no one is looking.

Yes, I have been hiding, even from myself,
especially from myself.

Have you been hiding?
Have you been hiding so long
that even you have forgotten to look?

I was hiding for so long;
and like a jack in the box,
I just kept stuffing myself back in the box
and closing the lid, click.

And now I am no longer willing to hide.
It’s uncomfortable. It’s unfamiliar. It’s awkward.
It’s exhilarating and it’s terrifying,
and it’s revealing – everything.

But I’m no longer willing to hide.

Yes, it’s exhilarating, and it’s also
excruciatingly painful. I need to meet
all my rejections, all my limitations, all my fears,
all my performances, my learned behaviors,
my indoctrination, and all my carefully cultivated
beliefs and opinions.

I need to empty myself of all of them.
I need to feel the multitude of things I was hiding,
like my anger, my hatred, my judgment, and also my
intuition, my insights, my telepathic awareness,
my greatness, my infinite unknowable beauty,
my purity, my innocence.

No longer trying to be ‘spiritual.’
No longer trying to attain anything.
But simply meeting the truth of myself,
which is infinite, pure, beauty, peace,
light, and unconditional love.

How can that be?

How can I be a being of pure love,
and host all this anger, resentment, judgment,
comparison, dislike, competition, and
other feelings I consider unacceptable.
But there they are, in the box,
in the box with the Jack,
stuffed in the box, click.

But now I am willing
to expose my authenticity, to keep
reaching into the box, and to feel all those feelings,
without self-judgment.
It can be really uncomfortable, but as I breathe
into each one, each rejected feeling,
with acceptance, forgiveness, and kindness
for myself, they release, they change,
they transmute.

In stillness and compassion,
everything transforms.

Each intense feeling becomes a gift
of beauty and power and integrity.

And all those feelings, well,
they don’t define who I am.
And they never did.

Who I am
in the center of my being.
Who I am,
my original self.

I can feel my original self, my immaculate
innocence, now that I am willing to feel
everything else.

Now that I am willing to feel all the things
I didn’t want to feel, that I was scared to feel,
that I had enormous resistance to feeling.
Now I can feel the truth of who I am.

And it’s not an end state.
It’s a breath-by-breath journey
of willingness and wonder.

The wonder to trust myself.
The confidence to not know.
The willingness to feel myself
as an eternal being
of infinite love, peace,
and light.

I am no longer willing to hide.
But to lovingly speak my truth.
I am no longer willing to distort my truth
or deny the truth of who I am.

But I am willing to keep feeling
into the very crevices of all the painful feelings
in my heart, long held under cover,
masterfully denied, terrifying me
like a ghost under the bed.
And to my surprise, they have
turned into treasures.

I can feel so much more
of the abundance of love that flows
through my heart. I can acknowledge the
insights and intuition that guide me and others.
I can luxuriate in my deep connection
with Mother Earth and Mother Nature,
and all living beings.

We are powerful beings.
We are Pure Source Energy Beings.
We are each a holographic ray,
where the whole is entirely within
each aspect of itself.

You are an individuated ray of Source,
just as infinite, eternal, and beautiful.
And all that Source is, you are.

That’s why I always say,
you are an eternal being of infinite love,
unconditional peace and radiant light,
no matter what you might be feeling
or what you might believe
about yourself.

So let us remember who we are.
Let us remember why we came to Earth,
to incarnate as human beings, to experience
this division, this separation, this unique
individualization.

Let us remember that
we came to challenge ourselves
with this:

“Can I really forget
that I am an eternal being
of infinite love, unconditional peace,
and shimmering light?”

Because we really are.

✨ 🤍 ✨