Today is six months since we lost you Arman and while it feels like forever since I have seen you, I have never been closer to you. I could never fathom after experiencing so much heartache and loss already, I would face a day filled with such excruciating and unimaginable pain and grief. There are really no words to explain that day and every day after. It’s as if a sharp blade stabbed me in the heart over and over, while the rest of me went numb. I think of you every second of every day, your light, love, laugh… Even the stress and worry, I miss it all so much. How can you not be here today with all of us, dad, Riana, me and all those who adored you? We envisioned our lives together for all the good and bad to come. Lazy days at home, breakfasts at the diner, rock climbing, skiing, swimming in our pool, holidays with family, college, a family and successful career of your own one day… Every moment that I would celebrate with you. But like a comet, you were a flash of light that burns bright and beautiful for just a moment then off to another adventure in total Arman style. Most would be lucky to catch a glimpse of something so spectacular but your family was given fifteen years to enjoy the experience of being part of your universe.
And who at fifteen years can say they have seen and experienced culture around the world, danced with the Masai Mara in Kenya, walked the glaciers in Alaska, inspired an entire Kindergarten to visit the Taj Mahal, touched part of the Berlin Wall, been to St. Petersburg, Finland, Denmark, Italy, and so many more places. Truly mastering everything that a man could, especially through the experience of scouting for ten years.. camping, cooking, archery, citizenship, canoeing, life-saving, swimming, personal fitness and much more. You learned all the basics in school – ABCs, math, Latin and even learned to enjoy reading and writing the classics and all types of sports.. lacrosse, running, swimming and being a real team player. You were born with a passion – something most people search for their entire lives for. Your talent in technology was unmatched and everyone, including those with years in the field, stood in awe of your gift. You loved sharing technology with everyone, especially me. I miss those tech talks and I cherish all of your gifts Arman. Mostly you were just such an amazing, kind-hearted, loving, energetic, compassionate and brilliant young man and son. And if our soul’s purpose is to learn something before we move onto our next life, then I truly don’t know what more you could have learned or done. You lived life to the fullest, gave your all, and died empty with your love fully poured out… And now I know you are onto the next adventure my Arman.
I had thought it was truly the end for me on April 9th, not sure that I could survive losing you, but somehow I have carried forward every day. Even after going from this physical world, your gifts continue to show up every day inspiring us and giving us so much to live for. I now have a purpose – to keep your love and light alive by making sure all the good you represented continues on through your spirit. Through the Arman N Roy Foundation, the most talented, passionate, extraordinary group of your loved ones came together to make that difference in your honor. I have continued to learn so much about you through your friends and family that have shared stories about how you impacted them in the most incredible ways. So many different tributes, like the creation of Arman’s Trail in our township, the presentation of the American Flag flown over the Capitol in May in your honor, dozens of letters written to us about you, dedications and donations from so many. They are all wonderful gifts that each make me such a proud mother.
Our family is closer than ever and that love carries us forward through each day. Even your dad, Riana and I have formed a stronger triangle. Remembering you, sharing stories, laughing about you… Knowing that our angel watches over us and guiding us always. It was so hard to drop Riana to college a few weeks ago but I am so very proud of her too. She is probably the strongest woman I know next to your grandmother. She handled the tragedy of losing you, her younger brother with so much strength, positivity, and resilience. I know you are helping all of us, and especially her on this new journey.
Mostly, you gave us the gift of faith knowing that beyond a doubt there is eternal life and that we will all be together again. Because death is not the end but really the beginning. You opened the door and opened our eyes at the same time. We are more enlightened because of you, and you set us on a deeply profound spiritual journey to connect with our consciousness. Your death made it so clear that we need to live in the moment and make love the priority. Through the most unbelievable powerful signs and messages, you found a way to connect with us to tell us you are with us and we will be ok. We are not surprised you found a way because if anyone could do it, it would be you. How did you return your lost drone that I had searched for 2 years, bring a new cat Romeo to our home on April 9th, put me on a random NYC train with your Hun classmates on a field trip, bring cardinals, bluebirds, flashes of blue, songs and sunshine every day when we were at our worst. You brought us here to India for a final farewell at the Ganga River, and you are now finally free. And we are carrying forward, rebuilding a life with you at the center. A life where you are now the teacher, inspiring and showing us the way forward with hope and love. I will always follow your footsteps. Take us on this new journey until we meet again one day. I love you forever my Arman.
