Oxytocin Changes Everything

BY Jacob Devaney
Oxytocin Changes Everything
How to Release this Hormone to Live a Happier Life

What does petting a cat, hugging a friend, deep breathing, a walk in the woods, and giving away money to someone have in common? These are but a few ways to release the hormone of love and connection, Oxytocin. We humans are like puppets on strings. The puppet-masters are our brain chemicals, the hormones that color our perceptions as well as the way we interact with the world around us. With mindfulness, lifestyle changes, and awareness of this internal process, we can cut the strings and direct our lives with conscious intention.

All You Need is Love

We all know the feeling of falling in love. We’ve all rolled our eyes when we watch our friends gayly skipping around, smelling roses, and talking non-stop about someone who has plucked their heartstrings. This flood of good feelings is actually the result of complex hormonal changes cooked up by our hypothalamus and released into our brain. The chief actor in this neurological drama is Oxytocin.

Luckily, you don’t have to wait for the right person to sweep you off of your feet to experience the bliss associated with Oxytocin. As a matter of fact, there are many ways to invite your brain to release Oxytocin, and by doing so you may even inspire others around you to do the same. As social beings, our moods can be contagious and we often pass them around unconsciously. By becoming conscious of our own inner state, cultivating positive feelings of connection, and sharing this emotional wisdom with others, we may just transform the world around us. This isn’t hippy-dippy philosophy, this is backed by science and exemplified in numerous research studies.

You don't have to wait for someone to sweep you off of your feet to experience the bliss associated with Oxytocin.You don’t have to wait to be swept off your feet to experience the bliss of Oxytocin.


Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Well, researchers have actually been able to draw direct correlations to economic behavior and mood. This is often used in marketing to sell a product based on associating it with something that gives you a good feeling. It is not surprising that decision-making is also ruled by neurological processes, and economic choices are influenced by and can also influence our biology. One amazing discovery that economists will never tell you is that giving money to someone in need actually releases Oxytocin!

Neuroeconomics is a nascent field that represents the confluence of economics, psychology and neuroscience in the study of human decision making. – Society for Neuroeconomics Website


The Magic of Kindness

The American Psychological Association has released findings from multiple research studies which seem to point to the connection between Oxytocin, trust, and generosity. Generosity and trust are human behaviors that have an underlying neurological backdrop, yet these social interactions are also contagious. When someone is kind to you, you are more likely to be kind to others. The other side of this equation is also true, and we can see how scared, suffering people create fear and suffering for others. A recognition and understanding of this, coupled with scientific backing, has widespread implications for humanity in our quest for peaceful harmonious relations in our local and global community.

When someone is kind to you, you are more likely to be kind to others.When someone is kind to you, you are more likely to be kind to others.

Subverting the Fear Paradigm

Cortisol is the hormone which is released during stress or fear. In small doses it can activate our immune system, increase our memory, and our ability to focus attention, but a prolonged state of stress or fear actually causes physiological damage to our nervous system. Our amygdala is a primitive part of our body that has the ability to hijack our brain, bypassing our higher thinking centers, and placing us in fight or flight mode. This was a survival mechanism from our evolution when we had to face predators in the wild. It is still with us today, and we all know what it feels like to “lose it” or “melt down” in a moment of crisis. A prolonged state of stress or fear, with excessive cortisol, keeps our reactivity level and amygdala on high alert. Oxytocin has shown to soothe the amygdala and reduce high cortisol levels.

Remember:  Oppression thrives off isolation. Connection is the only thing that can save you. – Yolo Akili

It takes conscious effort to create a sense of connection, while cultivating a sense of trust, in order to trigger Oxytocin release in our brains. Our world often bombards us with fearful and stress-inducing stimuli, it is important to make sure that we don’t allow stress to dominate. A healthy individual is one who keeps the internal scales tipped towards love and connection rather than fear.

A healthy individual is one who keeps the internal scales tipped towards love and connection rather than fear.Keep the internal scales tipped towards love and connection rather than fear.

Ways to Increase Oxytocin

Our brains are amazing… Just by closing our eyes and picturing someone we love, or remembering a good social experience, our brains will begin to release Oxytocin! Below is a list of other common ways to increase Oxytocin and the wonderful feelings that come with it:

  • Hugs: Prolonged hugs with close friends boost our immune systems, while also releasing the magical hormone of love and connection.
  • Orgasms: Men and women release Oxytocin when they orgasm, however, this is dramatically increased if you are in love with the person you are orgasming with.
  • Nature: A walk in nature, or some time in a special place like a waterfall, or silently gazing at a sunrise or sunset. The feeling of connection is not limited to connecting with other humans, it also works when we connect in nature.
  • Playing: Creative problem-solving and collaboration, which occur during some games and art-making, are also shown to increase Oxytocin levels. Cooperation in any sort of social setting has a similar effect.
  • Laughter:Humor breaks down barriers that separate us, and allow us to feel a sense of connection and safety. These are the ingredients for attachment and bonding central to the Oxytocin experience.
Humor breaks down barriers that separate us, and allow us to feel a sense of connection and safety.Humor breaks down barriers that separate us, and gives us a sense of connection and safety.
  • Deep Breathing; Meditation, and relaxation with a focus on the breath allow neurons that fire together to “wire together”. This means that we can actually train ourselves to be in a state of connection and safety.
  • Social Media: Don’t laugh… Even though a political argument, or reading depressing articles on Facebook can cause stress and cortisol spikes, sending or receiving a “like”, or a sweet text helps to release Oxytocin.
  • Trust: Even the smallest expression of vulnerability that is reciprocated by a loved one deepens a sense of trust and safety
  • Generosity: It is empowering to be generous, and it feels good to do so. You may be buying dinner for a friend, giving them a little money when they are in need, but at the same time you will be giving yourself a little Oxytocin boost. Pay it forward!
Even the smallest expression of vulnerability that is reciprocated by a loved one deepens a sense of trust and safety.Even the smallest expression of vulnerability that is reciprocated by a loved one deepens a sense of trust and safety.
  • Soothing Music: Go ahead and crank it up! Maybe pour yourself a warm bath, put on a kettle of tea and create an atmosphere that let’s you soothe your overly-stressed body
  • A Good Meal: Certain foods, like pepper, eggs, and banana are said to help increase Oxytocin, but enjoying food is more than just throwing something in your mouth. Picking organic ingredients, taking time to enjoy preparing a meal – alone or with friends –  brings intention to the act of eating and this elevates your mood. People often eat compulsively, and if you do this while eating foods that are unhealthy, you will stress your body.

Science Supports Healthy Lifestyle

The research on Oxytocin just reinforces aspects of healthy living. Any time you slow down and increase intimacy and connection with the world around you, nature, your family, your lover along with being aware of various sensory experiences will increase your Oxytocin. As we have explored in previous Uplift articles like The Tantric Path to Ecstacy or The Opposite of Addiction is Connection, the research behind Oxytocin validates the importance of lifestyle choices that will help you live a more happy, healthy, vibrant life.

Oxytocin is not a miracle cure for everything. The complexities of our biology are not black and white. Some research has shown that Oxytocin sometimes combines with cortisol to hard-wire traumatic memories into our psychology. Pain and pleasure are often entwined within our system. Bringing an emotionally safe and connected state of mind to the places where deep wounds are stored can be very healing. It all comes down to creating a lifestyle that encourages safety and connection over fear and isolation. The choice is yours to make and hopefully, this article will bring you the awareness to become your own puppet-master by cultivating an inner ecology filled with love, connection, and safety!

BY Jacob Devaney
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Lady filosopher
Lady filosopher
4 years ago

this article was really engaging. I sent a link to a coursemate on a FutureLearn.com course for psychology and Mental Health. I realised , while writing the accompanying message , that imaging that she and I might at the same time be putting to practice some of the suggestions was really uplifting. I said as much in my comment.

Lady filosopher
Lady filosopher
4 years ago

A second point I have is that I am preparing an essay/article on “FFF/f” reaction we living-organisms experience when we feel we are in danger. My thesis is that, actually, generally speaking, living organisms initially try to take FLight from danger, and only when that is frustrated, or not possible to do, only then do we Fight. I would like to hear what people think of this idea. It may seem small but changing the order of elements in a ’cause and effect’ chain has profound implications, so similar to just turning a jig-saw puzzle piece upside down and finding that, finally, it fits! [BTW feel free to ask about the last F/f…]

4 years ago

collaborative art-making: i recently heard that singing or playing music together also triggers oxytocin release!

Annette Culp
Annette Culp
4 years ago

Oxytocin is the love hormone and also the hormone that causes uterine contractions for labor. Stress hormones can decrease the effectiveness of oxytocin. Oxytocin is at its highest level in the haman body at the time a woman gives birth. Along with endorphins, the body’s natural opiates, oxytocin is the bio chemical components for bonding between mother and baby.

4 years ago

Seems some of these suggestions are the effect of increased oxytocin as much or more than the cause.

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