Love is in The Air (Actually, in The Field)

Love is in The Air (Actually, in The Field)
What Does it Really Take to Find Love?

By the time I was 40-years old, a dismal track record of failed relationships led me believe that love was a literary fabrication, a fantasy perpetuated by Hollywood. Regardless, missing that fictional experience did not remove hope for me, for I felt a ‘need’ to continue my quest for a relationship.

In the mid-’80s, I found myself on a Caribbean island, with a wonderful high salaried teaching position, living in a fabulous villa with pool on a private beach facing sunsets over the sea. Wow! I was in possession of the most fabulous pick-up line, “Hey, (fill the blank), why don’t you come and hang-out in my Caribbean villa?” While I tried it a few times and it never worked, I did not give up.

One day, at the island’s yacht club, I met a lovely single woman that was sailing through the Caribbean with friends. After sharing lunch and a few drinks, I hopefully dropped my pick-up line. After a few moments of silence, she looked me in the eye and responded, “I can’t be with you … you are too needy.” While it momentarily knocked the wind out of me, I truthfully responded, “Thank you, I needed that!”

On the beach walk home, I pondered her life-shaking response. Too needy? I had health, money, a great job, an outrageous villa for a home. Over and over in my mind, I thought, “How come I can’t be happy with all the wonderful things I already have?” Rather than bemoaning the things I didn’t have, I began to focus on, and appreciate, the ‘gifts’ I already had.

Appreciating what we have“How come I can’t be happy with all the wonderful things I already have?”

In a short time, I was so busy enjoying my life that I no longer missed the need for a ‘partner.’ In the process, something magical happened, I began to love myself. Previous to this time, when I saw myself in the mirror, I would rattle off a litany of my self-perceived faults. Thoughts that I now recognize were self-sabotaging subconscious programs acquired in my far-less-than-ideal childhood. In a short time, I was able to look at my image and appreciate the positive characteristics I had acquired in my life.

In the process of rewriting my subconscious beliefs, replacing negative programs with positive affirmations, I experienced a magical transformation. Once I learned to love myself, life magically transformed from purgatory to Heaven-on-Earth. Interestingly, not ‘needing’ a partner led to an opportunity where many wonderful potential partners came into my life. The success of this transformation is expressed in the 20 years of experiencing the ‘Honeymoon Effect’ with my life partner, Margaret.

The lesson is profound: To experience LOVE in this world, we must first LOVE ourselves. Otherwise, our relationships are co-dependent in which we are dependent on the other partner for providing the love we seek. Interestingly, in belief-change programs in which I have participated, between 80 and 90% of all participants would not test positive for the belief, “I love myself.”

I wish for all of you that you can stand in front of a mirror, not be self-critical, and honestly acknowledge “I love myself.” Once your energy field is vibrating in the frequency of LOVE, through harmonic resonance, you will find yourself immersed in a world of peace, harmony and, of course, LOVE.

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4 years ago

I love the authenticity and openness that you tell your story Bruce. It gives hope and true encouragement.
Thank you for all you do and have done to raise humanities vibration. Still learning to love myself. Your words make me want to come out of hiding!

Marianne bindseil
4 years ago

Dear Bruce …a lovely post from…really enjoy listening to all your lectures on YouTube often felt asleep with your voice in my ears.

But also thanks for all your comments …..sure do I love myself ..and enjoy my own company …and hoping for the frosting to my cake….I have the love inside ….but I know how super fantastic it is to share the love with another soul …..we are not meant to live alone man and woman makes the moon more yellow and meanings full .
Lots fine vibrations from little Denmark and me

4 years ago

Thank you Bruce for being the famous guy out there saying it like it is affirming and speaking the truth how heaven on Earth is possible.
I have a magical life too. It’s all in the feeling. Loving is where the power is

Isn’t it wonderful; miraculous things are happening to and for us right now.

I have powerful invisible universal manager who works expressively for me.

It just keeps getting better
And it really does!!!

4 years ago

I didn’’t love myself when I was younger, not at all. But I met my husband and we are happily together now for almost 35 years. Now I love myself; his love helped me, combined with my personal development. So there is hope for people who don’t live themselves yet …

phyllis Holmes
4 years ago

Hi Bruce I loved the article , always for loving myself and that took time …or I should say Sattva connect and your talks that I enjoy.

Katie Lynne Garnett
4 years ago

Hi Dear Bruce and Margaret – I never pass on reading all of your books and any of your articles that I find, and your funny and wonderful Newsletter. Here I am st Sunrise – where I came to change my way of Being as I turned 75. I am now about to turn 77, and guess what – I am STILL learning to love myself. It is so very easy to love others, to forgive, to wish the best for them always, no matter what. And still, that loving myself part – accepting what I see in the mirror – grasping the fact that mountain climbing (or even hills), is in the past – well – I am still a work in progress. Thank you for all your Wisdom, love and blessings, Katie

Gil Bar-On
4 years ago

Thank you Bruce! This is a lovely post that came right on time,
and a good reminder for me to Love Myself! 🙂

I’m also in the same process of feeling disillusioned from the wonderful Love I once so hoped for,
and I’m starting to be happy and settle with the life and love I already have in myself.

Hopefully I will also live in such an exsotic Island or preferably Hawaii one day.. ha ha! 😀
Of course, I will be happy if my dream to find my One & Only will come true,
but for now and even if forevber, I’m happy with Myself! 🙂

Thank you & Lots of Love!
Gil from Israel <3

4 years ago

first what is there to love about ourselves and others???? what is worth loving???? loving yourself????? [ “i” one entity …. love myself “another entity” how many selves do i posess????

4 years ago

So true!
Growing up with an alcoholic(although loving)parent I naturally became very co-dependent. It was not until I left my 3rd husband, also a heavy, regular drinker, that I began to look at myself and my pattern of repeating disastrous relationships. I joined CODA, the organization for co-dependents and eventually Al-Anon, for relatives and friends of alcoholics. They all emphasize the need to develop self-love and self-esteem.
Finally, at the grand old age of 63, I met the true love of my life. We are still together, still happy and both loving ourselves as much as we love each other. It’s never too late!!

john-david biggs
4 years ago

True Bruce; what an aha moment to hear that you were too needy. An angel sent to you she was!
I listen to a lot of “Hicks/Abraham”, which propounds the very same, and obviously money is a frequent subject. What we focus on grows, and if we feel the lack of love or money, we get even more lack. “He who has more will be added unto him; he who lacks even which he has shall be taken away.”
I figure Bruce that when you began to really appreciate what you had, then you ceased to focus on what you did not, and it withered away. Well done, and thank you for your ebullient life’s work – as a healer I’ve often drawn on “The Biology of Belief”. You are an inspiration.
John-David Biggs

4 years ago

So true, and yes I learnt that for myself two years ago in my sixties. I needed to respect and really “love” myself. I had some deep times where I would journal all the emotional and physical experiences that Id survived through and what wisdom Id gained from them. I started off by thinking, ” what would I want for the one I love?” I would want them well nourished, to get plenty of fresh air and exercise. So what would something I could do for myself that would positively affect my wellbeing? Instantly I thought of bushwalking, but didnt feel safe walking on my own, so joined an adventure type outdoors club and one of their groups was bushwalking. I enjoyed every minute! On the third walk I met a lovely lady. After chatting to her she mentioned she went to professional mixed group dinners in the area for over 50’s. That sounded like something Id be interested in too, mixed conversations. So on my 2nd dinner I met him! So two years later here we are doing the things we love together AND individually. We connected deeply to the people we were back then, so Id like us to continue to be “true to ourselves”. Continue growing, respecting and loving ourselves first, after that things seem to evole naturally! Thanks for a great article!

4 years ago

Isn’t is interesting that just when confusion, fatigue and loneliness seem overwhelming for me, the Universe sends a message that is just what I needed to hear. I’ve loved your messages for years…Thanx for all of them!

4 years ago

Thank you once again Bruce. I’ve read all of your books and keep an eye out for your next tour to New Zealand. I’m finding that self love has so many depths to it. At 75 I’m still learning … and that’s how it’s meant to be I believe at this stage of my development.

4 years ago

So simple..If one does not love the self..
How can one love another. Now the journey begins to find self love.

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