Don’t Care

Unravelling My Own Ideas of 'Caring'

This title will probably ruffle a few feathers but bear with me. You’ll eventually get what I’m sharing regardless if you choose to agree with me or you don’t. Your own experience will guide you with what’s appropriate for you. 

As I continue on my spiritual journey, I notice the things I used to care about I couldn’t care less about anymore. 

As I look up the definition of caring on the cell phone’s dictionary app, one of the versions states, “a strong positive emotion of regard and affection…”

It’s finally sinking in I’ve been programmed and conditioned to care about things that really have nothing to do with my True Self at all. My True Self is the unconditional essence of my soul consciousness expressed through feelings of my heart. Throughout the years, living this 3D existence, ‘caring’ has become fuzzy.

‘Who’ programmed and conditioned me? Parents, family members, school teachers, friends, collective society and the granddaddy of them all – my ego/thinking mind. It’s the “strong positive emotion” part of the cell phone’s definition that’s been tinkered with through our minds, thus replacing the feelings from the heart. I was taught, from an early age through teachings and examples, in order to care for others, you have to put them before you. Put them first no matter what. Myself, as well as others, have slowly noticed that’s all nonsense. The concept being you’re supposed to be willing to suffer and sacrifice your own boundaries for the “good of others.” But what many don’t comprehend is we’re actually making ourselves weak by doing so. Consolidating energy is not considered noble by most. It’s looked upon as being selfish and greedy. Then those viewpoints, if you have a decent soul, trigger guilt and shame within us, preventing us from taking care of our own needs.

There lies the rub!

True ‘caring’ should be the first thing we do for ourselves. I proposed this question in my writings before, “If you put others before you, then who’s going to take care of yourself?” It was only when I started to work on my own energy, I realized a while back that if I can’t handle my stuff first, then I’m not able to be 100% present for others. I’m only giving a fragmented version of myself, therefore, a weaker me. Personal energy is considerably more effective originating from a core source rather than dispersing from fragmented sources. 

Perhaps a personal example would illustrate my point. I dated a lady once who claimed she was spiritual and non-denominational. That was an attractive quality for me. However, as we dated, when certain religious holidays were coming up she would mention those holidays were important to her. Meaning she expected a card or gifts of some sort to acknowledge those holidays. Now I’m not going to mention this particular religion because it has nothing to do with this point. Let’s just say I wasn’t brought up in her family’s belief system. However, since I wanted her approval of me I’d buy a card or gift for her. The thinking being to prove to her I’m a ‘nice guy.’ “I should do whatever pleases her no matter what” But deep down that ‘pleasing’ was like sticking a needle in my side. I wasn’t being true to me. At that point in my life, I was having revelations that no matter what religion you partake in, they are like all of the separate needles of the same porcupine. In other words, all roads lead to the same origin. So in doing those ‘pleasing deeds’ I was expending my energy and becoming fragmented. I was more concerned about pleasing her then establishing my own boundaries. Which led to subtle forms of resentment towards her and me. Not a solid base to come from.

Back then I wasn’t as secure with myself as I thought I was. I was still in the ‘people pleasing’ mode. Looking back, whenever she declared such and such holiday was around the corner and it was important to her I could of politely replied with a simple, “That’s nice” and just left it at that. When her holiday approached and she wondered why I didn’t provide her with a card, I should of let her keep wondering about it and think whatever she wanted to think. If she needed an explanation then she could of asked. Only then I would’ve explained my take on organized religion and if she wasn’t okay with that then who cares? I’m not living this life to convince others of my beliefs. If she then thought of me as not caring then that would’ve been her choice. At least I stood for what I truly believed in. 

All of that “You have to please people no matter what” really slowed down my spiritual journey. I can’t emphasize this enough. I found that the type of compassion I thought I had in the past didn’t come from my heart but from conditioned belief systems learned from others. The “strong positive emotion of regard and affection” part came from my trained thinking mind seeking the approval of collective society’s standards or ‘norm.’ Not from the unconditional feelings of my heart. I compromised my energy and stored various forms of resentment deep within my subconscious. There’s a huge difference between ‘caring’ for others so you can look a certain way and to care out of compassion. The former being from the brain and the latter is clearly from the heart. 

So when titling this blog ‘Don’t Care’ I’m coming from don’t pay attention to what others think you should do. This includes belief systems, morals, what books you should read, who you should hang out with, how you should take care of your physical body, the list is never-ending. Listening to advice and discerning if it works for you is the way to honor yourself. We all truly need to follow our own path. So as far as collective society is concerned, don’t care. You’ll be much better off.

BY Bryan Moss
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Janel Barthe
4 years ago

Beautifully put. I enjoyed the “courage” it may have taken to say “yes” to this way of thinking. As the stewardess on the plane advises adult travelers to put their own oxygen mask on first, then proceed to do the same for their children…I have been reading a lot about the meaning of self-care versus selfishness and find it challenging yet vastly freeing. Thank you sharing this writing.

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